I set a lot of other intentions for myself this year, and when I opened my journal and looked over them I realised most of which have come to fruition. I’ve worked with some of you around setting intentions (or goals, if you prefer) in relation to the values we hold as most important to us. For some, perhaps that is “Community,” “Family,” “Spirituality,” and “Travel.” For me, these are “Spaciousness,” “Connection,” “Creativity,” and I struggle to sum up the last, but it’s to do with the feeling of being “In Charge.” Maybe that is an eldest daughter thing, but it really just means I like to have full freedom over my life (hence why I started my own private practice).

When I look at these value headings, and the goals I have listed beneath each one, it never ceases to surprise me how quickly all of the “In Charge” goals get ticked off, and how little of the “Spaciousness” goals do. Sometimes (most of the time) these Spaciousness goals become overpowered by the others, ordered into the corner, and told to be quiet so all the other goals can be achieved. I imagine a weary Part of me who just wants to lay in the Sun and read her book silently slumping into the distance, wishing she’d finally have her time to speak. Then, as per usual, I push myself too hard, and there becomes no choice but to stop almost everything; even the things that were once exciting. Thinking about this weird conflict between my values doesn’t actually make sense, as isn’t the whole reason I want to have a sense of freedom is to be able to have a sense of spaciousness?

And so, after a month of pushing myself too hard (classic) with the jobs I work, the PhD that seems never ending, and renovating my office (I’ll tell you about that in a second), I decided to quit my teaching role at the University of Canberra. I also, with the help of my coaching friend Chelsea, created a sinking fund dedicated to health and happiness (aka, Spaciousness) that I HAVE to spend each month (rather than hoarding all my income away for a “just in case it’s an emergency” moment). “This IS a just in case it’s an emergency moment!” Chelsea says.

These were two quite scary things for me to do. But, instantly – and I mean instantly – I felt a full-body relief after I sent the email and transferred the funds. I was caring for myself. ALL of myself. Not just the Part of me who cares about being In Charge. What I was doing was balancing being compassionate, and being clear. Sometimes we can nurture ourselves into a ball of cotton wool, but other times we need to be firm with ourselves and practise unapologetic self leadership.

I encourage you to think about the values you have, and perhaps how some may be in conflict. Where in your life are you being convinced you’re caring for yourself, when in reality, the most caring thing to do is the opposite? Where do you need to be more compassionate to yourself? And where do you need to be more clear?